SKINNY GIRLS HAVE FEELINGS TOO

“You’re the fattest person I’ve ever seen!”

“I’d let you borrow my jacket, but you’re too fat for it to fit you.”

“You’re so fat, we probably won’t find your size here.”

“Oh you brought your wife! She’s so cute and fat.”

In today’s age of acceptance, you would NEVER say these things to someone who is overweight. With the help of the beauty revolution, society’s eyes have been opened to an appreciation of larger body types. This trend is refreshing, as it not only encourages celebration of our differences, but also empowers curvy ladies with self-confidence.

Now read the above comments again, but replace the word fat with skinny or tiny or little. They sound rather innocent don’t they? Unfortunately, seemingly harmless remarks like these can feel like insults to someone who is underweight.

Now, before you write me off as a pretty girl who should stop complaining and just be thankful for her slender figure, please hear me out.

Body image is something that nearly every human being has struggled with at some point. The way we view ourselves has a huge impact on our daily lives. The level of confidence we possess can make or break a job interview or a first date. Positive feelings about your appearance may cause you to spread joy and sunshine to those you interact with, whereas negative feelings about your appearance may cause you to hide your body in unflattering clothes, withdrawing yourself from friends and coworkers. Positive self-image is undeniably a critical piece of an individual’s emotional, psychological, and social well being.

In the process of embracing the beauty of women whose weight is above average, society has inadvertently neglected women whose weight is below average.

The beauty revolution is eager to point out the artificial nature of today’s supermodels. Images are photoshopped. Videos are edited with special effects. Women in the limelight undergo extensive plastic surgeries and participate in unreasonable diets. The veil SHOULD be removed so that girls and women alike can see that this is a false standard of beauty.

HOWEVER, many women – who may even have tiny body proportions like a model – have been made to feel that their appearance is less than desirable due to the thoughtless comments of others.

Consider these statements.

“Is that all you’re eating for lunch?”

“I bet you wear a size zero.”

“You need to put some meat on your bones.”

“She probably weighs 90 pounds, soaking wet!”

“I bet you wear a size zero” is NOT flattering. It is a reminder that I do, in fact, wear a size 2, a size which is normally not offered in the women’s section of a department store. It is a reminder that I have great difficulty shopping for appropriate, professional clothing in the junior’s department.

At mealtimes, everyone seems to want to play “mother hen.” “Is that your lunch?” “Is that all you’re eating today?” “Girl, if you don’t put some meat on those bones, you’re just going to waste away.” Maybe I’m eating a small lunch because I had a large breakfast. Or a snack. A comment like “Whoa, are you going to eat ALL that?” would certainly be inappropriate to ask of a full-figured friend. So why is it ok to question a smaller portion size?

There are SO many factors that impact a person's eating habits and weight - lifestyle, allergies, dieting, religious fasting, busyness, depression, anxiety, medical conditions, genetics, metabolism, illness, side effects of medication, etc. We are taught to be kind to everyone we meet because we never know what a person might be going through. Same with weight. We cannot allow ourselves to criticize someone's appearance or eating habits because we have no idea what the cause(s) might be.

(Disclaimer: I am not suggesting that we enable those who have been identified by a doctor as having a medically unhealthy weight, to continue bad habits. If you are genuinely concerned about a person's health, maybe consider having a conversation in private.)

In reality, I am not small because I don’t like food. When I am hungry, I eat until I am full, but I simply do not gain weight. (I know, this is everyone’s dream, I shouldn’t complain, etc. But don’t tune out yet!) For this reason, I realize that many remarks about my weight may stem from envy. Not malicious envy, but the kind that’s supposed to be flattering. Only it isn’t flattering. It’s tough to feel criticized for something that you have no control over.

In this way, slender women and curvy women have something in common. Ladies from both groups may have a desire for a change in their weight, but truly struggle to achieve their goal.

The point is, skinny jokes can be just as hurtful as fat jokes.

In closing, I am fully aware that the discouraging effect of such comments is NOT INTENTIONAL. Please know that the purpose of this post is NOT to make anyone feel guilty for past mistakes in this area. The purpose IS to educate and provide perspective to help you in the future. May we all be more mindful of the words we say and the feelings of others in the area of body image.